Hello, friends! I'm writing to you while stuck sick in bed- not exactly how I wanted to spend my Sunday, especially considering the family is on a cruise ship for the day, but at least it gives me time to write my first weekly blog post. This week has been…difficult…to say the least. However, I've managed to learn a great deal about myself already, which I suppose can be looked at as a silver lining (but more on that later).
I suppose I should start with where I am. The thing is, I'm not entirely sure…the address I was given says "Tourrettes sur Loup," but the place known around here as Tourrettes is about 10 minutes from where we are, and when I post on Facebook, my location shows up as "Bar sur Loup." Whatever the case, I'm located in the hills between Nice and Cannes, somewhere along the river Loup. The house is in the middle of a deep valley enclosed by steep mountainous walls and waterfalls. Houses are build on hills and cliffs and everything here is very old and small. It's a beautiful sight to behold.
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| Panorama of the view from the balcony |
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| A view in town |
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| Another view in town |
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| The view from my window |
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| Valley walls with a waterfall |
The family I'm staying with lives on a large piece of property shared with three other families. Their house has a quaint little studio up above it, which is where I live. It's quite nice; my only complaints are that the shower is so tiny I can barely reach down for my product bottles, and that the wifi up here is very weak and spotty.
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| Panorama of my studio |
I haven't gotten to do much exploring yet, but I have driven through town a couple of times to pick up my little girl, Line (pronounced Leen), from school. Her school is ancient and tiny, with only 80 children between preschool and fifth grade.
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| Line's school |
I also got to drive a bit through the surrounding areas of Cagnes sur Loup, Nice, Antibes, and Cannes when I went with the family to run some errands. The coastline and towns are beautiful, and the cities are full of people of all kinds.
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| Tourrettes sur Loup |
While I haven't gotten to see much yet, I've seen enough to give me definite culture shock. I've compiled a list of things that I've seen this week that have rattled me to my core:
- Dudes of all ages wear capris, or as I call them, Manpris. These upsetting garments come in every pattern and fabric imaginable, from denim to cargo to plaid. If there are more that two males around you, one of them is guaranteed to be rocking Manpris.
- Many of the signs here are in typed in comic sans. If you have spent any time on the internet at all, you will understand why this is a bit hard to swallow.
- The cars here are tiny, and the parking spaces are even tinier. Pretty much every car in any given parking lot has dents on the doors from being hit by other cars. It's unavoidable.
- There is no such thing as a cautious driver here. I don't consider myself particularly timid behind the wheel, but I don't drive with reckless abandon. The one time I've driven here thus far, I was on a very narrow and windy mountain road, and even though I felt like I was going fast, I was being aggressively tailgated by a soccer mom.
- Some highway exits have tolls and some don't. As far as I know, there isn't really a way to tell which except for experience. I don't get the reasoning behind it, but hey, I don't really get anything else here either.
- Road and traffic laws here are more like suggestions. For example, speed limits and lane lines exist, but are more often than not completely disregarded. Everyone drives like a complete maniac, but no one has road rage because they're all doing the same thing. I haven't seen a single accident or cop either, which shocks me more than anything considering the way people drive.
- You can park in any direction on the street. This isn't necessarily problematic, but it's definitely weird to see.
- The roads in the small mountain towns (like the one I'm in) are windy, dangerous, and barely wide enough to fit one tiny car. Yesterday, while heading back from the cities, I was thinking about what would happen if we were to come upon a car driving in the opposite direction. And of course, it was my lucky day! While rocketing down one such road (my Host Father was behind the wheel, I was turning white in the passenger seat), we shot out from behind a corner and he had to slam on the breaks to keep from colliding head on into a car coming right towards us. What's more, I was the only one at all shaken by this. Both cars proceeded to reverse and angle themselves dangerously close to the edge of the mountain in order to pass each other. Honestly, we were so close to the other car that, had I been sitting on the other side of the car, I could have licked the person we were passing. And this is a commonplace occurrence.
- Roundabouts are utter chaos. There are no rules, and getting in and out of one is the very definition of a "Jesus take the wheel" situation. I do not look forward to having to navigate these, or French roads in general, on my own.
- Modesty doesn't exist here. We went to a sports superstore (and I mean super...this place made REI look like a little mom n' pop shop), and all over the place there were people, old and young, stripping down in the middle of the aisles trying on clothes. I don't even know if they have dressing rooms here. Another example- yesterday, while I was watching my little one swim, her dad came out to join her wearing a speedo. This would have been fine, except that the speedo kept falling off in the water, and he wouldn't fix it very often. After swimming, he proceeded to walk around for the rest of the night in briefs and a short T-shirt. I had absolutely no idea what to do with myself.
While some of these cultural differences are amusing, they make life difficult. Especially when combined with jet lag, persistent nausea and overall illness, language barriers, unexpected changes to my work hours, and feeling completely isolated. This perfect storm of factors has created an extreme case of homesickness. There is no way to put in words how much this disappoints me. I know that homesickness is completely normal, but I was so excited to come here, and I had all these amazing plans and ideas. Sadly, though, I'm beginning to suspect that my expectations are not going to match up with my reality very well. This is mostly because of the sudden and relatively dramatic shift in my work hours. Now, to be fair, the family is very kind and generous. They are not overworking me and they aren't breaking most au pair labor laws (they do have me working more hours in a day a few days a week than what is allowed, but this is common in France and I am still technically under the maximum total for work hours in a week). In addition, my contract was written vaguely enough that it allows for this last minute change. My issue is that I was expecting a very different situation than what I've gotten. Here's the situation:
I was told during my interviews with them that my working hours would be MTTHF 4:30-7, W 12-7 (French schools release early on Wednesdays), with mornings, days, and weekends off for classes and travel. This was perfect for me, as my main reason for choosing to try Au Pairing was to travel and explore. Within the last couple of days, I have been made aware that both parents intend to take multiple week-long trips to Paris for work, sometimes together but usually separate. Regardless of if they both go, however, I will be in full charge of Line in the morning before school and after school, and occasionally on weekends. I expected to do some extra hours, as that's kind of part of the job, but I was thinking more like a date night a couple of times a month…that's what the agency said to expect. I was also informed that I have to pick up and mind two of Line's schoolmates two-three days a week most weeks. The real kicker here- I don't get any extra pay for any of it. I only receive my initial salary that is meant to cover the hours I was originally given. As I've said, the family is very generous; I have free room and board and use of a car. But these things are expected for Au Pairs in France. It's part of the deal. Except for a small amount of courtesy overtime, extra hours are supposed to be compensated for.
To me, this means one of two things; either I have to have an incredibly awkward conversation in a foreign language asking them to pay me more for my extra hours, or, if it continues, I have to terminate my contract. What it really boils down to is that I didn't come here for money. I saved for years to be able to travel. They knew when they chose me that I'd be using every spare second I could to go off and see the world- it's the first thing I wrote in my letter of intent to the French government! I value my time off more than I value extra pay. If I can't have that time, then there is no point in my staying here. I could easily nanny or get another job at home and make way, way more money. I think there is a disconnect between their past experience with au pairs and what I expected from the situation. Their previous au pairs have all come here with very little money and the intention of immersing themselves in the French language and culture (I believe they were all French majors in college). I have talked to one of them about this, and she told me that she only went to one other country during her entire year here, because she didn't have the time, money, or desire to go elsewhere. She also didn't mind working the extra hours, as it worked with her goals. My goals are very, very different. I came here not necessarily to become familiar with just the French culture, but to visit every single place on my European bucket list. That's what I have worked so hard to be able to do. Anything less than that, to me, isn't worth it. I am not that into French/France specifically…I chose this country purely based on who gave me the best offer. Perhaps that seems ungrateful of me to say, but that's not my intention. I signed up for this knowing what I wanted. Either way, it's going to be tough. The family is very, very nice. I don't want to come off as ungrateful or spoiled, and I don't want them to think I don't like them. But I've heard many au pair horror stories, and if they're changing the rules this early on, who knows what else will change?
As of now, my current plan is to try my very best to stick it out. If I'm still unhappy or if things get worse, when it comes time to buy my plane ticket back here after coming home for Christmas, I'll tell the family that I won't be returning and that they need to start looking for a new au pair. Technically I only need to give a week's notice, but I would want to give them as long as I could to find a replacement. I owe them that much.
The one thing keeping me relatively sane right now is that there are animals on this property- three dogs and a cat! Of course, being a dog person, I am very happy to be surrounded by happy furry companions. They're all very loving and come in and out of the house at all hours (even though only one of the dogs and the cat "belong" to the family).
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| Ganna |
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| Raffi |
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| Bambou (the family dog) |
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| Caramel |
My final thought for this post is one of gratitude, for my home and all of you. I never thought I would miss San Jose, but I do. I miss going to my favorite frozen yogurt spot, I miss the Boardwalk, I miss the familiar roads and buildings. But most of all I miss the people, my people, the ones who put up with me, keep me laughing, and keep me sane. For a long time I've been fighting my introverted tendencies, wishing I was more outgoing and spontaneous. I have always preferred quiet nights in and familiar places to wild nights out exploring the unknown, and I have always hated myself for that. In the last few days, I've gone through some major steps towards personal acceptance. For the first time, I'm okay with knowing that I'm not wild at heart. It's not that I don't want to see new places- I do, that's why I came here- but I've realized that I'd so much rather share them with the people who mean the most to me. Who knows, maybe things will change when I start my French class and make friends. I certainly hope that's the case. Only time will tell.
Thanks everyone for reading and checking up on me. I'll be writing another post at the latest a week from today with an update. Any kind and encouraging words are appreciated!
Hugs from France,
Hayley
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