Hey everyone! Thankfully I'm no longer sick, and I'm writing from the balcony, enjoying a very rare moment of privacy. I'm also enjoying the beautiful view (see last week's post for reference) for one last time. If you follow my Facebook, this is likely not shocking news, but regardless, I'll summarize the week's events and talk about what's next for me on this roller coaster of a Eurotrip.
You'll remember from last week that the parents had unexpectedly presented me with extra hours and responsibility for other children- all unpaid. While frustrating, these changes were not necessarily unbearable, and I had the intention of making the best of it and trying to stick it out. Unfortunately, the parents weren't done making changes to my job description. Within 24 hours of my last post, they had added cooking (for the entire family), kitchen clean up, and the family laundry to my list of responsibilities- again, all unpaid. Most definitely NOT what I signed up for. It was evident that a conversation needed to be had, so after a few days, I worked up the courage to approach the father (the mother was in Paris at this time).
The discussion was tense, but not horrible, aside from the fact that he was in his underwear and I was wildly uncomfortable the entire time (see the "culture shock" section of my previous post if you're appalled by this). I communicated that I thought there had been a misunderstanding in terms of what my duties would be here, and that while I was definitely willing to give a little extra in thanks for their generosity, I was not okay with being used as "the help." He apologized that things weren't clear from the start, but seemed shocked- I'm the first au pair they've had that wasn't so excited to be here that she was willing to do anything to stay. I tried to come to a compromise, but he insisted that they need an au pair who is willing to take on any and all extra tasks. Well, okay then! That settles that.
While I am incredibly disappointed that this ended up being too good to be true, I feel much better knowing what my reality is and that there is an end in sight. Uncertainty has always been my kryptonite; even if the outcome is bad, I'd rather know in advance so that I can prepare myself. Not knowing is the absolute worst thing for me, because I end up running through every possible scenario in my mind and it takes up a lot of energy as well as causes endless anxiety. Now that I know what's going on, my anxiety is pretty much gone.
As bummed out as I am by the whole thing, I'm also wildly excited, because now I get to take some time to do what I came here to do: travel. I've networked with everyone I can think of on this side of the Atlantic, digging up old friends, finding relatives, and making incredibly well-timed connections with friends from home. As far as I know now, I'm going to get to see nearly everywhere that I wanted to see when I came here, and I don't have to wait to do it! In fact, considering all of my extra duties, I'll probably end up seeing more in the next 2-4 weeks than I would have had I stuck out my position here for the entire year. I get to spend my 22nd birthday visiting friends in Germany. How surreal is that!? I fully intend to maintain this blog throughout my travels, and if I can, I will post more often, because I'll probably have more to write about!
My Final Week in France
This week has been just as interesting and full of culture shock as last week. The two most noteworthy experiences I had were my dealings with the grandma of the house, Mammi Joan, and my rendezvous with two other local au pairs in Cagnes sur Mer.
Mammi Joan
Mammi Joan is Line's maternal grandmother, and, unfortunately, she has been here since I arrived. Now, I'm not one of those people that hates old folks. I generally find them to be either sweet and loving or curmudgeonly and amusing. This woman doesn't fit in either of those categories. If I had to describe her with one phrase, it would be "piece of work." It would take months to detail all of our agonizing encounters, so I'm going to stick to the few that paint the clearest picture of who and what she is.
Tales of Mammi Joan Episode 1: The Doctor's Visit
On Monday morning, the family insisted that after taking Line to school, I visit the doctor in a nearby town to get a diagnosis. Mammi Joan was responsible for taking me. I was supposed to be downstairs at 9 am to leave, but at 8:30, she was at my door pounding and shouting to hurry up. I came downstairs to make a piece of toast, and she kept asking me what I wanted on top.
"Beurre (butter)?"
"Non, merci, rien (No, nothing thank you)"
"Confiture (jam)?"
"Non, merci"
"Miel (honey)?"
"Non, vraiment rien sil vous plait (No, really nothing thank you)"
"Nutella"
"Non, merci, vraiment je suis content avec rien (No, thank you, really I'm happy with plain)"
This was unacceptable to Mammi Joan. "Vous etes tres difficile (you are very difficult)" she snarled as she waddled away. I could practically feel her chin hairs curling as her mouth formed an indignant sneer. Apparently, wanting plain toast is an incredibly picky whim.
We got to the doctor's office at 9:00, although it didn't open until 9:30, the doctor didn't even decide to show up until 9:50, and we weren't seen until noon (we also had to pay…socialized healthcare isn't looking so great). When we were finally called in, Mammi Joan refused to let me go into the office alone, or even let me talk to the doctor myself. I felt like a child. She sat there telling him a bunch of symptoms that I didn't have, and when I tried to correct her, she shushed me. She was interrupted several times by the doctor taking personal calls from his cell phone, during which times she would look at me and tell me again how difficult I am. When we finally escaped after 45 minutes of meaningless chatter, I was given the incredibly insightful diagnosis of "jet lag" and "stress" and was prescribed OTC Melatonin. Time and money well spent.
Tales of Mammi Joan Episode 2: Adding Insult to Injury
One of the side effects of the incredibly rare and disturbing ailments (are you detecting my sarcasm yet?) that have plagued me during my stay here is that I have been unable to eat much (the nerve, I know…honestly I choose to feel sick just to annoy her). Over dinner one evening, Mammi Joan made an incredibly astute observation: "Vous ne mangez pas beaucoup, mais vous n'etes pas maigre…c'est bizarre." Translation: "You don't eat a lot, but you're not skinny…it's weird."
I was dumbstruck. Was this boldness a cultural phenomenon, or is this woman just a special breed of difficult? I didn't even know what to say, so I swallowed my offense and conceded, "Oui, je sais, je suis desolee (Yes, I know, I'm sorry)." I can't explain why I felt the need to apologize…that's just the effect that this woman has on people. As if she hadn't made her point loud and clear, Mammi Joan continued to talk about how skinny and beautiful their other au pairs had been, and that if I started to eat like the French, I might be as lucky as their first au pair, who lost 15 pounds while she lived here (my hunch- it wasn't the healthy eating that caused the weight loss). I'll give you a moment to pick your jaws up off of the floor. Fear not, friends! Revenge is coming!
Tales of Mammi Joan Episode 3: Karma is a Wonderful, Wonderful Goddess
The very evening of Mammi Joan's assault on my self-esteem, I was rewarded for my composure when karma decided to show herself in the funniest, most fitting way possible. I was sitting on the couch in the living room lost in a book when I heard Mammi Joan called out from the yard that she was going to walk the dog. I looked up to acknowledge her, and instantly noticed the dark gray stain all down her light gray tent-sized bargain sweats; she had peed herself, and either didn't notice, or didn't care. I froze. "Do I tell her?" I thought to myself, and though I did try to get her attention (she either didn't hear me or was ignoring me, both are equally likely), I knew that I'd probably get some kind of earful from her if I pointed it out. Somehow I would be the bad guy, and it would be my fault that she hadn't noticed that her nether-regions were slightly warmer and wetter than the rest of her body. And so, I sat there, shocked but gratified, as this woman who had made my life hell for the last 10 days left to go walk the dog, in public, with soaking wet paper bag-butt sweatpants.
Let it be known that had this been pretty much any other human being on the planet, I would have leapt up and said something. In any other situation, I would have felt pity for the poor, old, incontinent woman. However, considering the circumstances, I didn't lose any sleep over not trying my hardest to alert her to her...situation. I don't think that Mother Theresa would have told her had she been in my shoes (remember, I only told two of hundreds of similar stories from the last ten days). If this disturbs you and you think that I'm a heartless heathen, remember this: she probably didn't notice anyone giving her weird looks or snickering behind her back, and even if she had, I'm sure she wouldn't have cared. She is far too haughty to believe that she could be the source of the amusement. Nonetheless, it was liberating to see karma in action. That's what you get when you call someone fat, Mammi Joan!
My One Good Day
On Friday, after two miserably failed attempts earlier in the week, I finally succeeded in meeting up with with two other local au pairs. We met in Cagnes sur Mer, a suburb halfway between Nice and Tourrettes sur Loup. I'm happy to say that I had an absolutely wonderful time! After nearly two weeks of stress and frustration, it was amazing to actually get out and explore a bit of this beautiful region with people who could empathize with my struggle. We ate a very affordable and surprisingly delicious lunch at a cafe, and then meandered around town, taking in all of the weirdness and beauty. It was without a doubt my happiest day here.
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| One of the streets in Cagnes sur Mer |
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| Cute little downtown apartments |
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| Boulangerie treats! |
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| My favorite candy of all time/a strange Twix that I couldn't resist trying |
Miscellaneous Weirdness/Additions to my Culture Shock List
- Farting is totally acceptable at any time, in any location, regardless of if there is food being consumed. The whole family, especially Mammi Joan took full advantage of this fact.
- Personal space is not a thing. Everyone stands so close to you when they talk that you can actually see their individual taste buds.
- The French leave their eggs on the counter- I've seen articles about this recently, and apparently there's a reason for it, but it still feels wrong to me!
- Sliced bread is rare and very, very strange- the only sliced bread in this house has the texture and taste of Twinkie cake. Not bad, but not really what I want for breakfast.
- They have clothing dryers, but don't use them- I guess this is energy efficient, but more often than not the wind blows their drying rack over and their clean clothes get covered in dirt and grime. No thanks!
- You can smoke anywhere, and I mean anywhere. The crossing guard at Line's school was constantly dragging on a cigarette while escorting young children across the street.
- The healthcare system is a joke. After all of the time, rudeness and general nonsense at the doctor's office (see above), there was still a fee, and it was more expensive than my copays back home (disclaimer: it's not because I'm a foreigner. As a contracted employee, I am covered completely by the family's health insurance, and thus get the same treatment that any other family member would get).
- Roundabouts SUCK. They suck even worse that I had anticipated. If you come vacation in France, DO NOT DRIVE.
- Street signs are rare, and when they do exist, they're tiny and placed out of view, so it's pretty much impossible to navigate where you are without a GPS. Again, DO NOT DRIVE HERE.
- People think nothing of walking in the middle of the road. On more than one occasion I've had to slam on the brakes because a random pedestrian decided to cross the middle of a busy street without paying any attention to oncoming traffic.
- I'm repeating this one from last week for the sake of emphasis: modesty does not exist here, at least in this household. As mentioned, I had "the talk" with the father while he was comfortably lounging in his itsy-bitsy-teeny-weeny Hanes. They also don't close the doors while in the bathroom (kids or adults).
- There are hitchhikers everywhere, and people actually pick them up!
- Have you ever thought about what happens to old billboards? Me either, but I found where they go to die
Billboard Graveyard - There are condom dispensers every 30 feet or so on the streets. At home, these exist, but are typically located discretely in bar bathrooms.
One of the condom dispensers I saw while walking in Cagnes sur Mer - The French use a 24 hour clock (military time). This definitely makes communicating about schedules interesting.
- After one of my failed attempts to meet with the other au pairs, I was so upset that I just needed a taste of home, and so I went and got some french fries from McDonald's. I discovered that they have something called "french fry sauce" here. I don't know what it is, and I don't plan on finding out.
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| McDonald's French Fry Sauce |
- I also discovered that the drive-thrus here don't have microphones- instead, there is a person standing outside taking your order. I've only ever seen this at In 'n Out, and only on really busy days
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| Drive Thru at McDonald's |
Well, I hope that you all have found this post as amusing and informative as the last one. Last night was my final night here, and I finally got to enjoy a peaceful sunset walk in the valley below the house. Raffi, one of the dogs on the property, was down there when I was walking for some reason (dogs aren't leashed or attended to very much here), and decided to join me. It was a lovely way to say goodbye to the view.
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| Raffi on our walk |
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| Finally got to see a glimpse of the River Loup |
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| Beautiful evening view of the valley |
I'm leaving here in a matter of hours to stay with a friend in Nice for a couple of days and hopefully do some exploring before leaving for Germany on Tuesday. I can't wait to share with you all the adventures in store for me in the next few weeks! Here's to the end of one learning experience, and the beginning of another, hopefully much better, one.
Thank you all again for reading and for your constant support and advice. I'm so lucky to have each and every one of you! I'll be keeping you posted!
Hugs from France,
Hayley
